"We are not screwing around, Philly," huffed Department of Licences & Inspections spokeswoman Karen Guess. What has got officials so worked up in the City of Brotherly Love?
Dumpster pools. Pools in dumpsters.
A couple of inventive scamps thought it would be totally sweet to hire a giant bin, fill it with water and just, y'know, hang for a neighbourhood block party.
News site Billy Penn reports that party bros Justyn Myers and Jake Long took the commendably responsible steps of power-washing their hired dumpster, lining it with wood and tarpaulins and cushioning the corners with poodle noodles before popping open a couple of brewskis and taking a dip.
Oh, but they got the water from a fire hydrant. Illegally. And the city council found that way uncool.
"In view of the city's commitment to public health, safety and basic common sense, we will not issue permits for block party dumpster pools," Guess said.
She sighed wearily that "while would you think this decision would not require an explanation" an avalanche press requests for an explanation of why the city council didn't want people swimming in big metal waste receptacles had proven otherwise.
So, for the record, filling them up takes a lot of water - water meant for putting out fires in, say, those people's homes.
Water coming out of hydrants is highly pressurised too, so mucking about with it could lead to potentially serious injury, either to the mucker-abouter or, perhaps more importantly, some innocent bystander. It could also give a "jolt" to the system that knocks out the water in many city blocks. And will you be Mr Popular Pool Party Guy then? No you will not, fella me lad.
"In short, the city strongly recommends that residents opt for recreational options that are safer, more sanitary, and less likely to deplete the resources firefighters need in an emergency," Guess said.
So pack it in.